


what i've done

by PrincezzShell101



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crying Derek, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e12 Lunar Ellipse, Stiles Takes Care Of Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 07:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincezzShell101/pseuds/PrincezzShell101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today is the day Stiles Stilinski finds out that, Derek Hale, does indeed cry.</p><p>He also finds out that it hurts him more than he'd be ever capable of saying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what i've done

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be about Derek being protective over Stiles and not wanting him to get hurt (or killed), then somehow it turned out like this. Seriously. I dunno even.
> 
> (Title taken from What I've Done by Linkin Park)

Stiles likes to think that he's not completely useless. Well yeah, sure, maybe he's the only human in their little ragtag pack. (That's because Lydia's now a  _banshee_ , Allison's not really in Derek's pack but more in Scott's, Danny's—well, something with muscles like  _that_  is definitely not human. He rests his case, and also will for as long as he lives, even given the smouldering death looks he'll probably get from a protective alpha boyfriend—see: Ethan.)

So, not completely useless. He likes to think that it's true. Yes, he does. But no matter how many times he tells himself it, no matter how  _hard_ he tries to get himself to  _believe it_ , Derek always stuffs it up—destroys that small shred of confidence he has in himself.

An example? Just the other week.

Two omegas had come to town, and must have thought  _oh, let's start killing random people just for the hell of it_. As soon as they'd arrived in Beacon Hills people started showing up dead every few days, their bodies ripped and torn to pieces. (Deaton  _must_ have been right when he'd said that their sacrifices would turn Beacon Hills into a literal beacon to supernatural creatures.) So,  _of course_  Derek and the pack had to step in and restore order in their territory.

Stiles had tried to help, and had very abruptly, been shot down by Derek's macho alpha-ness. (Derek had returned from wherever he and Cora had been with his red eyes back, along with his alpha superiority. Apparently, he'd just needed to find himself, and to do that he had to stay away from all of the danger that the town of Beacon Hills hid within itself.)

"You're _human,_ Stiles. You can't just jump into the middle of a fight between two  _werewolves_ and expect to get out alive. Don't do it again," he'd growled.

And he had. He'd made it out alive. Omega A had taken one of Allison's deadly wolfsbane arrows to the head, while omega B had fled in fear of the pack's pure awesomeness. 

Derek had been angry—okay, more like furious—at him after, though. The alpha had told him to stay out of dangerous fights from now on, to stop risking his life trying to be the hero in the situation, because he'd just end up getting killed.

"Well I'm sorryyou think that _Derek_ , but like hell I'm going to stay out of it. They're  _my_ pack too, okay? I care about them as much as you do. So, no, I'm  _not_ just going to stick by the side-lines and watch while my  _friends_ get pummelled by two crazed omegas. I'll help as much as I can, even if I  _do_ end up dead. Because that's what pack is, sourwolf. We fight for each other, and if that's not enough, we  _die_ for each other," he'd snapped back.

Yeah, Derek had  _not_ been happy. He'd growled at him, called him an idiot, and told him not to come around anymore,  _right_  before shutting the door in his face.

Stiles had yelled out a numerous amount of choice words and kicked the door a few times for good measure.

It seems that being called an idiot and then told to piss off in Derek Hale fashion with le door closing in le face is also an indication that said alpha will most likely ignore him onwards from that point in time.

With that being said, it also brings him to Derek Hale's loft again, knocking on the door and expecting no answer (because it just so happens that werewolves and their freaky noses know his scent, because that's just his life nowadays), but taking a step back in surprise when the door actually opens, a very tired and ragged looking alpha standing in front of him. (He must've woken the guy up. Oops, his bad.)

"Stiles, I thought I told you to stay away from here." And oh, if the older man's voice this morning didn't sound just  _wonderful_.

"Yeah, and I thought I told you  _no way in hell_ ," he snaps back, barging past the werewolf with a knock of his shoulder hard enough to make Derek stumble backwards slightly. Wow. He must really be snoozy if Stiles can get past him this easy.

Derek sighs, and Stiles hears the loft door snap shut loudly, before the alpha is walking past him with a small hobble in his step. Huh. Derek Hale penguin walks after he just wakes up. Interesting…

"Stiles,  _please_  tell me that you  _at least_  have some important reason that involved waking me up this early in the morning," the bed-haired alpha grumbles. Derek then yawns, covering his mouth just at the last second, glaring at Stiles like he's just daring him to say something about it.

He doesn't.

"Uh, well,  _I_ think that this is important, but maybe not so much you." He smiles sheepishly when Derek's tired eyes narrow, eyelids blinking in a sort of sleepy annoyance that doesn't actually surprise Stiles as much as he'd thought it would. Derek can look annoyed even if he also does look like a fur ruffled, bleary-eyed kitten who's been woken up too early. "Yeah, like I said. Not so much."

" _Stiles_ ," and Derek actually, honestly  _whines_ right there, "get to the point.  _Please_. I want to go back to sleep."

Stiles sighs, huffing a breath between the cracks of his teeth. "I came by to say that  _yes_ , Derek, I will lay off a little in the big fights. But no,no I will  _not_ stand by and just watch when you guys are getting your asses served to you by huge, hulking baddies that want to see you dead. I'll step in and help, no matter what that means for my own life."

Derek blinks once, twice, then frowns. And oh my gosh, this was actually a real life Grumpy Cat right here. "Stiles, did you really have to pick  _now_ to tell me this?"

"Well,  _I'm sorry_ , but it's not like you were  _ignoring me_ or anything," he spits. Derek actually flinches. 

"I shouldn't have ignored you," he says. Stiles nods firmly, totally on board with that notion, but that just urges the alpha to go on. "But, maybe you should have taken a hint."

Stiles bristles. "What the hell is  _that_ supposed to mean!?"

Derek pinches the bridge of his nose. "It  _means_ , Stiles, that maybe you should take me ignoring you as a sign that you'd be best to stay away from me."

"I  _did_!" Stiles yells, throwing up his hands. "I had no  _choice_! Because, Derek, whenever I tried to  _talk to you_ , you'd just storm off and brood like such a fucking  _masochist_!"

"Maybe that's because I  _am_!" Derek growls, eyes flashing red.

Stiles jumps back, eyes wide. 

"See this?" Derek points to his burning, fiery red eyes. "This took  _everything_ from me, Stiles! Everything! Being an alpha means taking care of the pack, protecting them, making sure that they're safe! And look how far I've got in that department!  _Nowhere_! That's where! I've never had the right amount of strength, or stability, to help those kids! Boyd and Erica are dead in proof of that!"

Stiles's eyes sadden. "Derek…" 

"So yes! Maybe I  _am_ a 'fucking masochist'. Maybe I  _do_ find solace in punishment! Because, seriously Stiles, that's really all I've  _ever_ received in my life! Punishment for everything wrong I've done! For murdering Paige! For killing my own  _family_! For letting Erica die! For watching my own  _claws_ cut through Boyd's chest!"

Derek's heaving now, out of breath, and Stiles feels a little part of him break inside when the next words that come out of Derek's mouth are muffled by a sob.

"Everything  _good_  I've ever tried to do has backfired.  _Everything_. Can't—Can I not do  _anything_ right?"

"You can, Derek. You  _can_  do something right. You  _have_." Stiles takes a few hesitant steps forward, hand coming up to touch, wanting to reach out to Derek, but he isn't sure the alpha will want it. His doubts are settled by themselves when Derek actually stumbles forward the last few steps between them and nuzzles his nose into the crook of Stiles's neck, breath shaky. Stiles rests a hand on the back of his neck, other hand moving to pull the werewolf closer.

"You have done good things, Derek. You gave Erica, Isaac and Boyd a home. They'd never felt like they were worth anything before you came along and helped them. You made them feel worth something, made them feel like they mattered.  _You_ , Derek. Y _ou_ gave them that. And Isaac's grateful. He's repaying the favour in all the ways that he can, by being loyal to you as a beta should to his alpha. And Erica and Boyd were too. They were grateful. Even now, I bet. They're up there, howling with the other wolves who were lost to the moon. And they're howling… howling to  _you_. You, Derek Hale. You, their  _alpha_. For making their lives better. For giving them  _purpose_."

Stiles never knew Derek could cry. Didn't  _believe_ that the alpha was capable of shedding tears.

He's never seen it in his life.                                    

So when he feels the wet drops on the skin of his neck, and hears the sound of small, quiet sobs muffled against his throat… he freezes.

He freezes, eyes wide and bottom lip pulled back to hold in the whimper he feels brewing inside of him.

He can only shush the alpha with soft words of comfort, gently rubbing Derek's back and desperately trying not to let himself fall off the wagon too and cry as well.

Today is the day Stiles Stilinski finds out that, Derek Hale,  _does_  indeed cry.

He also finds out that it hurts him more than he'd ever be capable of saying.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are love <3


End file.
